On January 5th 2015 I lost one of the people who loved me most in this world. I told myself I would not blog about this situation, but as I looked through December’s posts I had written about her fall. She was doing much better with her broken leg and broken foot and was going to get to leave the nursing home and go home to her recliner, her walker, her bible, her search a word puzzle, her phone and the people who loved her.
The flu took captive of my grandma, who fought for 94 years to stay with us. Just in November she told the doctor to go ahead and do surgery on her leg using and epidural as she had a weak heart they couldn’t put her under anastheia. I had arrived a few days before and when I got to the hospital Granny was not in her hospital room. “They took her down for surgery” a nurse said and told us where to go.
Granny was lying on a stretcher her blue eyes full of hope and fear she grabbed me by the hand. That beautiful hand that had diapered countless babies, fed people and touched cheeks, wiped tears away.
“I’m doing this so I can be with you fellars a while longer if the good lord let’s me and I hope he does.” She said her eyes filling with tears. I admired her strength. Though In knew she was afraid and in a lot of pain, she wanted to fix what was wrong and get back to her family.
The trouble seem to begin when they sent her to the nursing home. She began to get paranoid and we thought maybe it was the pain medication. She would get wild at times and they would send her to the local E.R. These trips were hard on her being sent by ambulance out in the cold with a blanket over her. She was always sensitive to the cold.
They began to say she had dementia, which I am still not certain off because she had been on a lot of pain medication. No one will know now. I tried to imagine life for granny with Dementia or Alzheimers, it would be okay, we would still have her and we would gently remind her when she forgot. We would tell her no one was going to hurt her when she felt someone was trying to hurt her.
We spent a few hours at the Nursing Home, before I was to go home with my family. She laughed as my daughter pretended to be a 150 and called granny “Little Girl.” granny’s cheeks looked pink and there was a sparkle in her eyes. She grabbed my hand and my husband’s hand and said “I hope you all can have a good life together.” I felt haunted then, because one never knows about a marriage, but I know Granny Loved us so much. Her grip was strong on all of us that day and I felt like she knew this may be the last time we would all be laughing in a room together.
As we drove past the nursing home the next day I told my husband we would just go on because I didn’t want to disturb her, the truth was maybe I was afraid that would be the last time I saw granny.
A month later, we are racing to Kentucky again. Granny has been sent to Hospice. She is dying. I am so angry how can they send her to hospice. Nothing was clear, flu, seizures, lost the ability to swallow, dying…
My granny fought for 8 days to breathe. My cousin And I would sit by her bed and try not to cry because they say that the dying can hear you up till the last heart beat. I left the day before my granny’s precious heart stopped beating I walked into the room kissed her on the head and walked away I said “Bye Granny.” And my heart is breaking. This is the first time in my life I have so deeply prayed there is a heaven because that dear lady deserves to be there.
Margo
MARGO MAGAZINE 